Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
