End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
