I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
