Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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