Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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