he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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