I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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