I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
