I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
