i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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