It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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