Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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