I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
All the doctor said was why
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
