I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I want a musical about memes.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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