There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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