I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
