ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
