I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
