So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
