Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
