you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
