and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
