I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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