i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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