You made me cry and you don't even care
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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