Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
