at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
