He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
