Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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