weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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