Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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