Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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