I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
handjob tips. give me some.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
