he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
