I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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