Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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