two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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