My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
