I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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