This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
