I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
