Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
