You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
