he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
