I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
