They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
