1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
