I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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