Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
