I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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