Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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