i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
