I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
