i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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