There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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