Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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