what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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